Family Trees
by c-wolf
Summary: Last chapter, I promise
1. Default Chapter

I do not own Buffy, or Angel, or any of the characters from either show. I always thought of Drusilla as being a psycho version of Cordelia. (Short Story)  
  
"Giles, what's the problem?" asked Buffy, as she walked into the magic shop.  
  
Giles, looking harried and stressed.. glared at Buffy. Then he handed her the pages he'd found. "This is some information from the watcher diaries. It's a family tree." He then walked to the medicine cabinet in his restroom, and grabbed 3 excedrine.  
  
"Drusilla Chase. Born in the 19th century, records of official birth date have been lost. It is assumed that Drusilla the vampire destroyed those records, or one of her fellow vampires did it for her. The records that do remain, show her as having had a child before she was turned. Descendants are listed as followed." Buffy read the list, going down it, until a familiar name popped up. She burst out laughing.  
  
"Always knew there was something wrong with her family." Buffy said, after calming down. "Can I copy this? I want to mail it to Cordelia."  
  
"Hey Cordelia, you've got a package!" Gunn yelled, walking through the door.  
  
"All right, I wonder what it is. Hmmm, it's from Buffy." Cordelia opened up the package, and pulled out a packet of papers. She started reading.  
  
Gunn was in the kitchen when he heard a scream. As he ran out of the room, he grabbed an axe and a crossbow. When he reached the room Cordelia had retreated to with the package, he slammed open the door.  
  
"Cordelia!" He looked at her lying on the floor in a faint, with a dumbfounded look on his face. Then he went over to her, and started tapping her on the forehead. She woke up, screamed again, and went back into her faint. 


	2. revenge

Inspired, or psychotically driven by the cartoon series known as Wacky Races (Grin)  
  
A figure snuck into Buffy's house and into her bedroom while she was asleep. The figure was dragging an unconscious person behind it. The person walked up to Buffy, sprinkled something over her head, then left her to her dreams.  
  
"Here we are at todays, Buffy's Wacky Races. As we all prepare to watch them race cross country from Sunnydale California, to San Antonio Texas, lets go over the names of the drivers."  
  
"In car number one, is Buffy Summers. Driving her Mom's station wagon."  
  
"Car Number two, is Rupert Giles also known as Ripper. He's driving a beat up car, that no one really knows the make of, that looks like it's on its last legs."  
  
"In car number three, Xander and Anya are preparing for the race in an unusual way. um, better not show that shot."  
  
"In car number four, Willow and Tara have created with their magic, a rather unusual vehicle. It appears to be a carriage drawn by four flying horses."  
  
"In car number five, Dawn and Spike are driving a hearse. I've just been informed that Spike will be laying in the back with the curtains drawn tight, during the daylight. Hope he knows what he's doing. She looks a little wild for driving"  
  
"In Car number six, it's the man known only as the Mayor of Sunnydale, driving a sleek limousine. What his name is , is your guess. With him is his sidekick, Principal Snyder" (a hehehehehe comes from Snyder periodically while grinning mischievously for no reason)  
  
"The introductions are made. Now it's time for: Buffy's Wacky Races!!!"  
  
"And they're off! Buffy takes an early lead. Leaving Giles in the dust, with his sputtering car. Xander and Anya have just now realized that the race has begun.. Oh-Oh looks like Xander forgot to get fully dressed. Hope he doesn't get pulled over."  
  
"The witch mobile as willow calls it, is pulling up on Buffy, with Dawn and Spike close behind." (screams are heard coming from the back of the hearse, as Dawn careens every which way but loose while somehow managing to stay on the road)  
  
"The mayor is slowly catching up."  
  
"We need to do something Snyder. They're getting ahead. Hmm." (calling upon a demon who owes him a favor, his car suddenly takes off as if jet- propelled, while Snyder flies out of the car and rolls for a few feet down the road. Riley comes along and shoots him, then Angel appears out of no where and decapitates Riley's head. Then he uses Riley's head as a bowling ball. The mayor slams into a rock wall, and the car explodes, killing him with fire. Thus ended whatever evil plans he had.)  
  
"Well, that's one down, Giles has finally got his car started again! And is taking off. He's got a long way to go to catch up. Ohoh, Xander has been pulled over and is being handcuffed. Anya is trying to offer favors to the police officer in return for him. She's been arrested for being a prostitute. So ends their race. And night arrives. Looks like Spike can take over now, if he's survived"  
  
A tire blew out on Giles car, causing him to slam into the hearse. Spike flew out the window, grabbing Dawn on the way. He curled about her to protect her as he flew into one of the flying horses. scared it, and then the carriage crashed onto buffy's car. Everyone survived of course, though Buffy tried to figure out how Spike had managed to fly into her shirt upside down, and why Dawn was stuck up the horse's nose. Giles came up, fixed his glasses, then said "Cats are pretty". Willow and Tara stumbled out of the remains of the carriage, and started doing the Macarena.  
  
Buffy woke up groggily, and went to the bathroom to get some headache medicine. Then she returned to her room, looked at the time, realized she was late for a research session with Giles. She opened up the closet to grab a shirt, and found Spike hanging upside down in it. A note was taped to his head. "Dear Buffy, how'd you like the dream? Ha Ha. I don't just see visions, I occasionally give people some. Signed, Cordelia" 


	3. Endings

Conclusion:  
  
Buffy helped Spike out of the shirt, then pushed him firmly out of the bedroom so she could change. He walked downstairs, turning to go into the living room. He stopped in shock.  
  
Dawn came to, with her face glued to the nostril of a wooden carousel horse, which had been put into the Summer's living room. It took Spike 20 minutes to figure out that water would save her. 5 minutes after that, he was still being chased around the house by Dawn. She was wielding a squirt gun full of holy water. She didn't appreciate the bucket of water he had thrown on her.  
  
"But you said use water!"  
  
Xander had been sleepwalking, and woke up in a jail cell. Apparently he and Anya had been having an intimate moment, then fell asleep. Not exactly sure how he wound up in a jail cell, he listened to her out front berating the officers.  
  
After calming Spike and Dawn, Buffy went over to the Magic Shop to wait for Giles. When she opened the door, she found a strange sight.  
  
Giles had woken up to a spitting, snarling fury. The stray cat he had dragged in while he was sleepwalking wasn't happy, and expressed that very well. He looked at Buffy standing in the doorway, and said "Help?"  
  
Willow and Tara had been trying to synch their Macarena moves. They fell asleep in each others arms on the floor, at 5 am.  
  
The mayor had been killed a long time ago, as had Snyder.  
  
Cordelia was almost killed by Drusilla, until she told the crazed vampire about their relationship. Drusilla ran screaming into the night and jumped headfirst into a tub of holy water, something about wanting to wash her skin of cheerleader germs. So ended Dru. 


End file.
